hearts crying

http://www.one.org/c/us/hottopic/3981/

from time to time i have to remind myself just how lucky i am. My heart aches and my knees quiver at the thought of how selfish and self centered i have become lately. i pray relentlessly for my brothers and sisters hurting not only in the states but around the world.

How could God have given me such passion with no idea how to use it..... im barley content with reading a book without thinking who i want to save next.

How does one person save the world?
How can i? im just me........

the passion which burns so deeply in me only gets stronger as the days go by. My head churns with all the things i know i want to do in the world. i cannot deny the heart of humility God has placed inside this sinful chest. my discontentment grows greater as i settle into my lifestyle of an American with everything i need and so much more.

How do i explain this burning passion to serve?
i wish my family could feel my fearless trust in the Lord to leave all i know for all i want........

take this selfish heart oh God. i yearn to be more like you. i deny myself and all i know for just a glimpse   of hope...a spec of change.......my heart has set fire to a world not like this.

What can i do?
What do i do?

your children cry out in starvation and i play on facebook as i watch the world pass by their ipads, lattes, and new clothes. maybe just maybe stopping for a brief moment as they pass the magazine stand or the recently printed paper with the latest reports of the Somalian famine.......The rising communicable disease rates.....the lack of education.......the lack of heart.......in this selfish world............

what do i do with this burning heart of compassion.....
i need to strip myself of this baggage and free my soul. i need to run barefoot in the open plains of africa......

i need to go.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come buy and eat...

Listen to me and eat what is good,

and your soul will delight in the richest of fare..

 

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands

 

Instead of the thorn bush will grow the pine tree,

and instead of briers, myrtle will grow.

This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.

Isaiah 55

 

HE makes our paths straight

For the past few months or really since i can remember i have wanted to go back to Africa. My heart has had this empty space, this feeling of confusion that i thought only my return could cure. Time and time again I fall guilty of placing God in his little box in my minuscule life that I feel I can control. All I wanted to do this summer was work and raise enough money to return to where my heart was calling me. When I was in Africa God grew me much more than I could have ever imagined. I was not only humbled on a daily basis, but impacted in ways I have no words for. Its something that a person must go and experience for themselves. Something so moving that even the thought of it makes my heart leap with joy. I never thought God could grow me in ways he did when I was in Africa any other place. Well, of course I was wrong.

I have learned I have a small problem of commiting to certain things b/c of the possibility of something else coming along that may be, in my mind, better than the current opportunity. After much prayer I decided to apply for SummerStaff at Southwind in FLA after one of my best friends katie has sent me a notification about their need of volunteers. With my age I knew i woud more than likely be the oldest and still held tightly to the idea of going back to Africa. Long story short I was accepted and went, leaving Africa to God.

I was so nervous upon arrival at Southwind. I road down from Knoxville with Katie and two of her younglife girls Holly and Kelsey which was awesome because I actually knew three people. Of course we all know God works in crazy ways so we were all split in different jobs. Satan definantly spoke lies to me the first night in making me feel not good enough or the lie of no one will like me. As the night went on these feelings soon passed with prayer and me letting go. Long story short I had an AMAZING summer session at SouthWind that ROCKED MY WORLD:) i made a Family and learned so much about myself!!!

my SummerStaff SouthWind Family

View from the top of the Slide of SouthWind pool areas

some of the girls before Princess night

Yuck war

still hopeful

I couldn't sleep well last night so at 6am this morning i went ahead and got up, got some coffee, and came to hastings. i had an awesome quiet time this morning and then finished my africa "help" letter while listening to the CD my brother Eddie made me. Time is flying, but i have not given up hope. I know that is where i should be so i will not give up. I miss my family and everything about that place so terribly much. my younglife girls just graduated and i am a soon to be graduate myself so there is this emptiness that plagues me so. I have been praying for months now for something, but i fear God wants me to sit in this until i have learned whatever it is he is trying to teach me....bitter sweet, but more sweet bc i know in the end it will be beautiful!
ill upload a copy of my letter .....donations are greatly appreciated:)

its been a while...

well folks, its ben a while since i logged on and posted something. Sorry for my brief absence. Today when i got off work i visited my travel agent at AAA to discuss going back to Africa<3<3<3 its hard to believe it was last summer at this time i was departing on an adventure that would truly change my heart. I have been praying for months about my possible return and i still feel Gods calling to GOGOGO!!! I have never wanted something so bad. I have this deep yearning passion in the depths of my heart calling me back to Africa. If i dont try then my heart will surely break from one of my biggest failures. i ask that all who read my blog or find this post to be in prayer for me. I really need it right now. I need to raise about 2,000 dollars to return....thats all!!! Please Pray for me.

Every day that your in a third world cointry you realize just how much you have. You start to become more grateful for the small things and the big things seem so small. Last night as I laid in bed I wondered what my life would be like if I had grown up here...who I would be...etc. Very quickly I became thankful for having even a simple fan above my head. I am so lucky to be living in the USA. To be given the opportunities I have been given and to have the family I have. I love my home and I have been called to do so much more with my life. Haiti is so beautiful, but as I pray here during my quiet times it makes me realize how much I love Afirica. I have been called to serve internationally this I have known since I was young:) but I truly believe now my calling is Tanzania. I miss everything about it so very much. It makes me laugh how much I do! My mom and dad will always be my number two in my life under God of course, but oh how myheart yearns to return to the polluted loud eroded streets of Arusha!!!

Enough of that:)...
After this mornings work for Souls4Souls we had lunch at HOM them decided to go into the city. We saw what was left of the once beautiful cathedral and Capitol buildig(the white house here). Words cannot begin to describe why our eyes saw. We also walked through one of the tent cities. I gnaw some pictures Please pray for thembut am going to refrain for now.

Haiti day4(morning)

Check out the website below!!

http://m.soles4souls.org/

Haiti day3

Today was amazing and so much fun! I'm am SO exhausted right now so this will be very short and sweet:) I'll add more later,promIse!

We went to the Orphanage today that Nathan and Riley are doing a promo video for! the kids were amazing:) After the orphanage we went to Bassin B. Which was about two and a half hrs away from where we are in Port Au Prince! Loooooooong story about finally reaching the actual waterfall:) but it was so amazing and so worth it! The Waterfall was so beautiul and the water was this crystal blue...one of Gods many wonders!

We even made a few friends along the way:)

Haiti Day2

Road

This morning when i was reading and doing my devotional I read a great quote that resurfaced this afternoon after driving through the long flooded and eroded roads waving to those smiling back i thought of it again. Haiti is a beautiful place wig the most wonderful loving people. But life is not easy.


The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where. It began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, I'd I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins larger way.
J. R. R. Tolkien

Sorry mom and dad

Last post tonight...
Mom and Dad I love y'all dearly! Sadly my BB isn't working even to text! I know what your thinking, me NOT texting:)haha, I'll continue to update this and email. Pray for us that the lords work maybe done through us his week and all the weeks to follow! Love y'all! It's 9:12 pm and abbey is on my left asleep and Katie on my right asleep. So here I lay in my bunk blogging away on my first night in Haiti! if you want to know our room is a good size. It's filled with about 9 bunk beds. Each with a huge blow up matress, mosquito net and built in fan! It's SO Hot here:) it's perfect! Tomorrow morning we are finishing a roof on a families house then walking in the city where there is a carnival going on. It's apparently a special holiday/ celebration lasting like four days! I'll blog y'all tomorrow!
Love
Katheryn

Haiti day1

I feel like my postings have been very informative yet lacking in depth. I believe this is because I am tying to blog for myself and others and I do it so quickly. I'm sure the lack of sleep doesn't help either! I will try to be both for y'all from now on!

Today was my first day stepping foot into Haiti. So many hints reminded me of my beloved Africa, but I seem to have lost the words that could correctly and descriptively describe what my eyes are seeing! There are also many differences which is what makes each place so special.

My first drive through Haiti was today heading to HOM properties. There was a distinct smell in the air of a third world country struck by a horrible catastrophe. It was like tent city in numerous places and when I say tent city I mean it. Numerous make shift houses made from tents held to many families. You could see the damage and poverty still hanging on so tightly in so many places. It broke my heart. I wonder why am I so blessed, why me!? But I can see the joy in the Haitians eyes and their blessing overflowing. The streets are horribly erodeded and full of garbage. At one point while we were driving to HOM in the tap tap(transportation vehicle) we slowed down to drive through a very flooded area in the road where the water was a very dirty color and there was the distinct smell of bile. We also passed a small concrete area where boys girls women and children where bathing with buckets of water. It makes me think about the long hot showers I take for granted or the wasted amounts of water I use every week. I am so thankful for what God has blessed me with in the States but here is so much more to this world than living in the known!

After lunch we visited the new orphanage HOM just built. It's so precious, definantly a work in progress but it's beautiful. The orphanage has only three girls right now that lost their parents in the catastrophe. For thos who don't know I was adopted, so I have a heart for adoptions. I hope to someday adopt many of my own:) if God wills.

Tonight we relaxed and became somewhat accustomed to the facility. It was so much fun siting around just talking and sharing our stories. How HOM is set up is very nice...it's a compound with a church in front and a school in the back wig first, second, and some third floor classrooms! Dorms for staff and visitors and on the second floor for girls and third for staff. Now I will upload a picture tomorrow of this but he kitchen is on the roof which is amazing! It one of the tallest building in his area so you can see for miles looking out as far as he surrounding mountains! At dinner we all sat around a table and ate together as he church choir sang in the background, it was so beautiful. They rejoiced together in a harmony of singing, clapping, and dancing! It was amazing.

Nathan lee has done such amazing things for this organization!!! Here are also other volunteer that have contributed so much as well. So I leave you wiu this... What are you doing wig your life?

I want this. This is me. Serving others even if it means I myself may have nothing, isn't it worth it? I will change the world and I'm starting now!

Quick post- we made it

Apologies for being silent! I have two blog Posts I did that are on my blackberry which is not working here in Haiti so I'm very sorry, but I'll have to skip those two posts till I return home. They include our landing from ATL to Miami and our night in Miami which turned out very interesting and my blog post I did while in he plane from Miami to Haiti! I'm sorry, hope you understand!

We finally arrived in Port Au Prince,Haiti. Gosh it is and isn't what I expected all at the same time if that even makes sense?! I think I have missed Africa so much hat I'm comparing similarities to it. Anyway, my flight landed around 9:45am which was so early because we had gotten maybe two or three hours of sleep. Let's just say it's been a long journey since we left the boro:) but in a good way! Katies flight was arriving an hour before and I knew when I landed I would be meeting her and Nathan. The one thing I was told after landing was to not go past the red gate, that's all. HAHa not all apparently the rules have changed since the last time Riley was here and you had to go past the gate to get to where people pick you up! Luckily, I found an official airport man and his help, shortly after I found Katie and Nathan!
The airport was crazy but not so much because of the people but because of the cars. People were honking and rising to get where they needed to be. It was interesting but a good experience. After finally getting abbey and Riley we headed to the HOM head building. To make a long story short we arrived safely!

Haiti Bound

Sorry about spelling...I'm at the airport and I'm blogging from my BlackBerry

"God works in mysterious ways"
I never could have imagined I would be where I am right now, the ATL airport, with a final destination being HAITI! Here's how I got here in a nut shell... Originally I had no plans for Spring break. One Sunday at Church they announced their upcomming spring break trip to La Repressa Dominican Republic! I began praying about making the decision to apply. I really love working Internationally so I got an application as soon as I could. I had been praying for weeks about my sb plans and still felt uneasy. In the meantime one of my roommates Abbey Caroline made plans to go with our friend Riley Vasquez to the Dominican Republic! Riley is a friend of ours from New Vision church! Last year his best friend Nathan Lee dedicated a year of his life to working with an organization called Haitian Outreach Ministries(HOM). Riley does a lot of pictures and Videos and has visited Nathan a few times in Haiti since then to visit and help create some videos! It sounded like an amazing experience to serve for a week! Shortly after my friend Katie Spencer joined Riley and Abbey's team to travel to Haiti! Well, one night abbey and I had spent in the Library we went to meet up with some friends at Chilis. One being Riley who mentioned I should come to Haiti. After some thought, Prayer, and help from my parents I got my ticket!!! Back to the Dominican...I talked to Brian the college pastor and decided the time was not right for me:( but God opened another door!

So here we are! We are now sitting in the Atl airport waiting for our flight to Miami! I am so excited and cannot wait to serve the people of HOM and Haiti! God is so amazing and though it doesn't always work the way we think it should or want Gods always in control and HIS plan is greater:) Praise Him!


So this is post one from ATL:) ill keep yall updated!
Love
Katheryn

other monduli pictures

at the market

fresh samaki

dinner

breakfast

playing with our food

my first school:)

within the first two weeks of arriving in Arusha we were in intense training. Everyday for a week we had Swahili lessons, history lessons, geography lessons, and then we moved onto teaching lessons! There was about 15 of us. 5 or 6 of us were americans and the other were tanzanian "counterparts" meaning they were there to help teach and translate as well(they actually worked for Global Service Corps). The second weekend we were there we left Arusha for Monduli, which was about an hour and a half away! There we all stayed in guest houses which were actually really nice:) we were all broken into small groups and then placed at different schools to teach for the next two weeks!

i was placed with two tanzanian counterparts, Helen and Immanuel at Orkeeswa

words could never be enough to describe their selfless loving hearts.

these were some of our students.....

it was such an amazing experience. Very HARD, but amazing. I have never met children so hungry for knowledge that they would walk for miles to get to school. The school its self was a good hour (driving) away from our guest house so some mornings we would pick up our kids on the road as we passed them. Some days a few of the girls would have to leave early so they could make it to the water hole and back home before dark. I have never known such pain and hard work....my heart broke for each one.

One student that really touched my heart was Lucas:) he was not much older than 16 and he was considered a man in his tribe. His hands were callused from the hard labor. His joints ached after we came in from free time from walking such extreme distances and lack of adequate food. And his faced showed the scarring of his tribe where he had been circumcised. He was so smart and sweet. i miss Lucas and our talks very much. i pray for him daily.

another student was happy. She was about 15 and had 12 mothers and one father which was the norm for her tribe. We use to sit under the boubou tress and lay in the grass as the other students played basketball. She had this laugh that could make the harshest man melt:) Happy had 72 brothers and sisters.....i pray for her everyday.

this was our last day at Orkeeswa

the class graduation picture with their certificates 

i will never forget these faces:)

why i want to do it....

when i was a little girl i wanted to change the world. I loved adventure and meeting new people. i yearned for new concepts and ideas. to learn about different ways of life and thinking. i read numerous books and went on numerous adventures:) every summer i would travel with my Church somewhere around the US and a couple times internationally working with children and families. Doing local back yard Bible schools and constructing new buildings, working alongside the local workers. There has always been a strong pulling of my heart to DO MORE. 

i have always felt God leading me into the land of poverty, disease, and isolation.

some statistics for you.....
* in 2005, 2.3 million people died of AIDS in Sub-Suharan Africa
....that means 1 person died of AIDS every 13.1 seconds
.....23 people died every 5 minutes
......274 people died every hour
........6575 people died everyday


the numbers needed to describe deaths, infection, and orphans brought by AIDS in Africa are too large for us to understand. We can simplify these numbers into abstract models; show them in relation to one another; chart them, graph them, subdivide them into smaller more tangible numbers. However, we have to accept at the end that we are not capable of grasping the scale in which people of Africa are suffering and dying due to HIV/AIDS.
.......could you imagine living in this world? drowning in poverty, sickness, and stigma? 


WHO will make a change? WHO will go? 


this blog is very short:) when i first went to Africa this past summer i actually had another blog on Word press that i am now changing. i used it as a form of communication with my support group here at home! Their prayer is what kept me going. i am hoping to get both of these up and running. one for statistics and change in the tactical health aspect and the other my thoughts and emotions. when i was young i was always active and doing some sport or going somewhere! I think this is where i get my love for Health:) my major at MTSU is community and Public Health, soon to graduate with a BS in community and public health with minors in nutrition and global studies:) i dont want to work at a local gym or the health department. I want to GO..........i want to go back to my home in Africa. i want to make a change!!!


Have you ever felt destined for more than what you are settling for?


i feel this so much...i think because of my disobedience God is allowing me to take the longer road, which is teaching me alot....but i will get there someday and i will change the world!
   one of my biggest inspirations for a few years now has been a young girl, not much younger than me named Katie. Her blog is so moving. She has followed Gods calling for her life and sacrificed all she knew here but has gained much more priceless rewards:) i encourage you to read her blog...the link is located on the right of my blog its called "The Journey" she is real, so be ready to be moved it should not be taken lightly. a dear friend of mine named Ryan introduced me to an amazing writer named John Piper. Well, let me clear that up, he introduced me to his writings! I have always loved challenging books lie C.S. Lewis for example! I like fun reads but find myself getting bored easily....who knows why ADD i guess:) Anyway, there is a book Piper wrote called Dont waste your life (only one of the amazing books he has written) it rocked my world! there was a quote he used in it that with the book and all the other scripture has stood out to me for sometime now. it goes as follows....


"Most Men are not satisfied with the permanent output of their lives. Nothing can wholly satisfy the life of Christ within his followers except the adoption of Christ's purpose toward the world he came to redeem. Fame, pleasures and riches are but husks and ashes in contrast with the boundless and abiding joy of working with God for the fulfillment of his eternal plans. The men who are putting everything into Christ's undertaking are getting out of life its sweetest and most priceless rewards"
-J. Cambell White




Amazing huh:)
 this is why i want to do it. I would sell all i have to return to my african home. to change just one life would be more than worth it. i am thankful for what i have been given all my life, i am more than blessed. i could easily stay here in the states and be perfectly content, going on about my day doing what i do, but what life is that? Some are called to stay and live an amazing life here. But i am called to go. It will not be easy. it will not always be happy. there will not be any money. there will surely be death. but i will go.

going back-the plan

since my return, i have dreamed of going back to Africa. I have a sense of emptiness where i left my heart and cant get it back because it will always remain there. I have been seeking the Lords provision in my decisions of going back and he has begun to open numerous doors. Last week while i was volunteering for YoungLife in Jasper GA i received an email from my good friend Carrie(we met in Arusha this summer and worked together at wia) telling me the Mama Mosha, the head of Women In Action wants us to return and invited us to stay in the apartment located at WIA. This means i will have a place to stay with a mama to cook us food:) What a blessing. Of course i have my african family that i love dearly, but i would hate to impose on them once again. Now the only thing holding me back is the plane ticket. the total is almost 1,800.00 roundtrip. Last year i spent a great deal of time in prayer about putting together a fundraiser in the town where i live, but it never happened. This time it will. My plan right now is to hold a fundraiser either at the end of Feb. or the end of March. I am going to get local artists i know to play acoustic, get dontated food, or even have all my friends cook hot dogs hamburgers and have a bbq or something. I plan on making tshirts for my cause as well as ordering jewlery and hiv/aids pins from WIA in africe for people to purchase. I plane on putting together a slide show of everything i did in africa and information and well as speaking! This is completely a rough draft and my grammar is horrible, but as i prayed this morning i felt god calling me into action. please pray for these next few weeks of planning and craziness. We will see where God leads!