hearts crying

http://www.one.org/c/us/hottopic/3981/

from time to time i have to remind myself just how lucky i am. My heart aches and my knees quiver at the thought of how selfish and self centered i have become lately. i pray relentlessly for my brothers and sisters hurting not only in the states but around the world.

How could God have given me such passion with no idea how to use it..... im barley content with reading a book without thinking who i want to save next.

How does one person save the world?
How can i? im just me........

the passion which burns so deeply in me only gets stronger as the days go by. My head churns with all the things i know i want to do in the world. i cannot deny the heart of humility God has placed inside this sinful chest. my discontentment grows greater as i settle into my lifestyle of an American with everything i need and so much more.

How do i explain this burning passion to serve?
i wish my family could feel my fearless trust in the Lord to leave all i know for all i want........

take this selfish heart oh God. i yearn to be more like you. i deny myself and all i know for just a glimpse   of hope...a spec of change.......my heart has set fire to a world not like this.

What can i do?
What do i do?

your children cry out in starvation and i play on facebook as i watch the world pass by their ipads, lattes, and new clothes. maybe just maybe stopping for a brief moment as they pass the magazine stand or the recently printed paper with the latest reports of the Somalian famine.......The rising communicable disease rates.....the lack of education.......the lack of heart.......in this selfish world............

what do i do with this burning heart of compassion.....
i need to strip myself of this baggage and free my soul. i need to run barefoot in the open plains of africa......

i need to go.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;

and you who have no money, come buy and eat...

Listen to me and eat what is good,

and your soul will delight in the richest of fare..

 

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and the hills will burst into song before you,

and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands

 

Instead of the thorn bush will grow the pine tree,

and instead of briers, myrtle will grow.

This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.

Isaiah 55

 

HE makes our paths straight

For the past few months or really since i can remember i have wanted to go back to Africa. My heart has had this empty space, this feeling of confusion that i thought only my return could cure. Time and time again I fall guilty of placing God in his little box in my minuscule life that I feel I can control. All I wanted to do this summer was work and raise enough money to return to where my heart was calling me. When I was in Africa God grew me much more than I could have ever imagined. I was not only humbled on a daily basis, but impacted in ways I have no words for. Its something that a person must go and experience for themselves. Something so moving that even the thought of it makes my heart leap with joy. I never thought God could grow me in ways he did when I was in Africa any other place. Well, of course I was wrong.

I have learned I have a small problem of commiting to certain things b/c of the possibility of something else coming along that may be, in my mind, better than the current opportunity. After much prayer I decided to apply for SummerStaff at Southwind in FLA after one of my best friends katie has sent me a notification about their need of volunteers. With my age I knew i woud more than likely be the oldest and still held tightly to the idea of going back to Africa. Long story short I was accepted and went, leaving Africa to God.

I was so nervous upon arrival at Southwind. I road down from Knoxville with Katie and two of her younglife girls Holly and Kelsey which was awesome because I actually knew three people. Of course we all know God works in crazy ways so we were all split in different jobs. Satan definantly spoke lies to me the first night in making me feel not good enough or the lie of no one will like me. As the night went on these feelings soon passed with prayer and me letting go. Long story short I had an AMAZING summer session at SouthWind that ROCKED MY WORLD:) i made a Family and learned so much about myself!!!

my SummerStaff SouthWind Family

View from the top of the Slide of SouthWind pool areas

some of the girls before Princess night

Yuck war

still hopeful

I couldn't sleep well last night so at 6am this morning i went ahead and got up, got some coffee, and came to hastings. i had an awesome quiet time this morning and then finished my africa "help" letter while listening to the CD my brother Eddie made me. Time is flying, but i have not given up hope. I know that is where i should be so i will not give up. I miss my family and everything about that place so terribly much. my younglife girls just graduated and i am a soon to be graduate myself so there is this emptiness that plagues me so. I have been praying for months now for something, but i fear God wants me to sit in this until i have learned whatever it is he is trying to teach me....bitter sweet, but more sweet bc i know in the end it will be beautiful!
ill upload a copy of my letter .....donations are greatly appreciated:)

its been a while...

well folks, its ben a while since i logged on and posted something. Sorry for my brief absence. Today when i got off work i visited my travel agent at AAA to discuss going back to Africa<3<3<3 its hard to believe it was last summer at this time i was departing on an adventure that would truly change my heart. I have been praying for months about my possible return and i still feel Gods calling to GOGOGO!!! I have never wanted something so bad. I have this deep yearning passion in the depths of my heart calling me back to Africa. If i dont try then my heart will surely break from one of my biggest failures. i ask that all who read my blog or find this post to be in prayer for me. I really need it right now. I need to raise about 2,000 dollars to return....thats all!!! Please Pray for me.

Every day that your in a third world cointry you realize just how much you have. You start to become more grateful for the small things and the big things seem so small. Last night as I laid in bed I wondered what my life would be like if I had grown up here...who I would be...etc. Very quickly I became thankful for having even a simple fan above my head. I am so lucky to be living in the USA. To be given the opportunities I have been given and to have the family I have. I love my home and I have been called to do so much more with my life. Haiti is so beautiful, but as I pray here during my quiet times it makes me realize how much I love Afirica. I have been called to serve internationally this I have known since I was young:) but I truly believe now my calling is Tanzania. I miss everything about it so very much. It makes me laugh how much I do! My mom and dad will always be my number two in my life under God of course, but oh how myheart yearns to return to the polluted loud eroded streets of Arusha!!!

Enough of that:)...
After this mornings work for Souls4Souls we had lunch at HOM them decided to go into the city. We saw what was left of the once beautiful cathedral and Capitol buildig(the white house here). Words cannot begin to describe why our eyes saw. We also walked through one of the tent cities. I gnaw some pictures Please pray for thembut am going to refrain for now.

Haiti day4(morning)

Check out the website below!!

http://m.soles4souls.org/